Making a living

The thought of going into school tomorrow makes me feel ill. It always does, but especially after some time off. Weekends are just long enough for me to slip back into the normal world: one where I can choose the company I keep and speak in a normal tone of voice. At school I have to suffer the company of so many grating people who have as little interest in me as I have in them. I hate having to repress their rebellious spirit and make them pay attention to what I would rather be telling or showing someone else. If only I could just liberate them from their school hell and let them be free to find their way in the world outside. It doesn’t bother me if they completely fail and end up living miserably because I know some of them will make it, just like countless rockers have for example. If Johnny Rotten did all his homework and behaved in class there would have been no Sex Pistols. It’s a good thing he dropped out. It’s a good thing not everyone does well at school because then who would stack the shelves at Tesco?

I don’t know how much longer I will last as a teacher. Tomorrow might be the day I finally crack and just walk out the class, out the school and the out the profession. Sometimes I wonder if that would that be such a bad thing anyway? It might be just the catalyst I need to do something that is more fulfilling to me.

If I were to find myself out of a job I would probably look into going back to university and “retooling” as someone put it. I have been thinking of doing a Masters in Art Psychotherapy and I would certainly enjoy that a whole lot more than teaching. I might go back to Taiwan and open a recreational art centre for adults – an idea I have toyed with for many years. I could even work as a part time language instructor again and focus on becoming a professional artist during the day.

Attractive as these options are however I am still hesitant to throw in the teaching towel. One reason for that is money. Dreams tend to cost money to realise, and the dreams I have are rather expensive. The Art Psychotherapy course for instance takes three years and would cost a fortune. On top of that it might not land even me a job after I graduate. The art centre idea would leave me in even more debt and there is no guarantee it would even be a success.

Teaching is at least a sure bet. It can even be quite lucrative if you don’t mind where you work. Expatriate teachers in the UAE earn in the region of 40 000 Pounds Sterling a year I am told, tax-free. Plus they get other benefits like subsidised housing and annual flights abroad. It follows that teaching allows one to work all over the world. If I wanted to immigrate to Australia down the line, teaching would probably get me in regardless of whether I actually did that once I was there. Having an art centre in Taiwan would limit my ability to live elsewhere, as would being a full time artist as I would probably rely on my wife to have a fixed job.

I am also reluctant to quit teaching just yet because I have invested so much time and money to get this far. Leaving it now, just before I have gained Qualified Teaching Status in the UK would seem a waste. Although I am qualified to teach in South Africa, acquiring the UK equivalent would hold far more weight and be a much better job insurance policy if I had to fall back on it down the line.

Whenever I feel sick from school I self-administer this dosage of reasoning and encouragement but it doesn’t actually help much. The awful feeling of having to survive another day there remains... Ugh. It is now 11pm and I am going to go to sleep. It is the one true source of refuge.