1 post tagged “babies. parenthood”
Not long ago Nancy’s brother got married and had his first kid, a little girl. The baby was soon taken to her grandparents’ house where she will stay until she is old enough to go to school. Nancy’s parents, particularly her mother now have the job of raising the child while Nancy’s brother and his wife continue with their lives in much the same way as they did before they had a child. Every so often they might come down from Taipei in the northern part of Taiwan to Taichung in the middle of the island to see their little girl, but for the most part they don’t have much contact with her at all. For all intents and purposes the baby parents are Nancy’s parents.
Being raised by your grandparents is quite normal in Taiwan. Nancy also lived with her grandparents for the first few years of her life and she recalls how she used to be rather scared of her father when he came round for a visit. When Nancy was older and moved into the same house as her parents she naturally got to know and grew to love her parents more, but there is still a special kind of affection that is reserved for her grandparents, which is not hard to understand.
When Nancy I got married, Nancy’s parents expected a child to arrive within that first year. They often spoke about how much they looked forward to having a grandchild and what a cute little baby we were bound to have. When no such child arrived in the first year they were somewhat disappointed, and that disappointment grew more and more with every year that passed. When the topic came up I tried to reassure my parents-in-law that we would have a baby one day when the time was right. They would then ask when that time might be, and I would be pressed into corner. Maybe next year, I’d say, we’ll see how it goes. After a while, Nancy’s mother did not take find much comfort in that response either and I would talk in earnest with her about why we were delaying having a child. I told her that I needed to get into a career, be financially secure, have a fixed address, my own home and most importantly be emotionally and psychologically ready to be a father. No matter how much sense I made though, Nancy’s mom would always find a hole in my thinking. Nancy and I should have a child while we were young and strong, she said. Waiting until we were older could complicate the pregnancy and compromise the chances of having a healthy child. Besides, she would go on, it is not nice for a child to have old parents. If we had a child now, she would take care of it and we could get on with things until we were ready to look after it ourselves.
It seems that Nancy’s brother and his wife have taken up on that offer for themselves. In a way it must be a relief to have a baby and not have your life turned upside down. Unlike other new parents they don’t suffer from sleepless nights, nor do they have to change soiled nappies. They don’t have to endure the sound of a baby bawling. They don’t have any of the inconvenience that a baby imposes. By the time their daughter lives with them she will be completely ‘house trained’.
Despite the convenience of having a permanent baby sitter however, I would never want that kind of detachment from my child. If I had a child I would want to give her every bit of my love and be a part of her development from the very first day. I would not wish anyone to do that on my behalf.
Nancy’s parents certainly love their little grandchild to pieces. No doubt about it. She is growing up in a wonderfully caring, protective environment and in that sense she is lucky. But if she were my child I would feel very unhappy to see her grow up in a house where there is not much more mental stimulation than the television in the lounge and a generation gap in the household.
I still think that Nancy and I are right to put off having a child until we can afford to in every sense of the word. Thankfully this is not something that I’ll have to explain to Nancy’s parents now that they are thoroughly preoccupied with their grandchild. Nonetheless, the arrival of a new baby in the family has started tugging at Nancy’s maternal instincts and talk of a baby of our own seems to be it’s finding its way into many of out conversations lately.
